How to Not be Artificial

A.I. is changing communication.

It’s not just changing what information you consume and how you consume it. A.I. has changed expectations for communication and, in turn, the way you interact with others. Did you know that even if you don’t use the A.I.-generated prompts in your email or text messages, those prompts influence your responses?

In general, communication has become more immediate, succinct, and positive. And that doesn’t sound bad, does it? In fact, that sounds… positive! But as Ted Chiang wrote in the New Yorker, “The task that generative A.I. has been most successful at is lowering our expectations, both of the things we read and of ourselves.”

I’m all for saying more with less. Yet, I’m also all for being real and improving human connection. Turns out, you need connection with other human beings to be physically and emotionally healthy (it’s right up there with diet and exercise!), to successfully navigate the storms of life, and to develop business-critical social skills. In short, it’s vital for you to be human with other humans. Communicating with or through A.I. doesn’t cut it.

So how can you keep your communication from descending into vapid automated yappage? How can you promote humanity and connection? Here are seven tips:

1) Time

Slow down just a click. Pause. Computers don’t do this, and while we love the instant answers they spit out, human beings dedicate time. Allow yourself and others the temporal space to breathe, consider, process, and invest. Put boundaries around how you spend your time so that you are not always on. If you can be quick, fine. But be willing to move at the speed of human. There are no shortcuts to deeply satisfying relationships.

2) Personality

Everyone wants and needs to belong, which often gets misinterpreted as “fitting in.” As Brené Brown puts it, “Fitting in says, ‘Be like them to be accepted.’ Belonging says, ‘This is who I am. I hope we can make a connection.’” Being unique and different makes you human. Personality quirks can sometimes be annoying, but also endearing. When someone reveals a glimpse at their personality, honor it. And be willing to share your own.

3) Relatability

To relate simply means to connect two things together. When you’re hoping to connect, use “us” and “we” instead of less personal language. Common ground makes you relatable. This is why conversations, especially with strangers, often start with small talk: Everyone experiences the same weather—automatic common ground! It takes a bit of courage to find common ground beyond the obvious sources. But find points of connection and reveal your similarities. A bot can’t do that.

4) Nuance

A.I. loves to condense. There’s a time and a place for that—I admit, for example, that I like skimming the aggregate reviews on Amazon. Definitely a time saver! But in condensing, you lose nuance. Computers process in 1’s and 0’s, yes or no, on or off. Human beings see infinite possibilities between 0 and 1. To communicate like a human, recognize and convey the subtle shadings in the topic at hand.

5) Emotion

Believe it or not, A.I. is learning to notice and respond to human emotion from facial expressions and vocal inflection. (Pro tip: You can do this too!) A.I. can even simulate emotion to some extent, but (so far, anyway!) machines cannot feel. Feeling and expressing emotion is still solely a human trait. So do it! Don’t emote all over everyone all the time, of course. But when you have or see an emotional response, acknowledge it. Even the less “positive” emotional responses. Especially the less positive ones. Unlike a bot, you don’t have to be unnaturally positive all the time. Feelings prove you’re human.

6) Humor

While scientists cannot agree on why or how humor works, some suggest that “knowing how to be funny is a sign of a healthy brain and of good genes.” Well, there you go! Since machines do not possess brains or genes (last I checked), a ready laugh is good proof you are not a bot. Respectful humor, according to authors Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas, releases a cocktail of hormones that improves mood, reduces stress, and … you knew this was coming … strengthens interpersonal connection.

7) Substance

Whenever possible, let yourself be seen and heard. I love using email—I can craft my words at my leisure and keep a written record to help my crummy memory. But the best way to prove you’re a real person and not some bot is to let people hear your voice, see your face, shake your hand. Be tangible. Show up in person. Turn on your video. Pick up the phone. Demonstrate your humanity by revealing your human form.

I don’t think A.I. will destroy the world, but the tempting shortcuts it offers may make us more boring, more simpleminded, and more lonely. Fight back. Make positive impressions, foster lasting relationships, and build a successful career by unveiling your uniquely human self.

Change your communication, change your life.