How to Deal with a Chaotic Leader
Chaos can be a good thing. Disrupting the status quo often leads to growth, change, creativity, and new opportunities.
For this reason, some leaders purposefully disturb their work environments. But with chaos, a little goes a long way. Working perpetually in a disordered environment leads to burnout, which is why—as I said in my previous article—good leaders guide teams through chaos instead of creating it.
So, what do you do when your leader contributes to confusion rather than guiding you through it? Well, that depends on two factors:
First, how intentional is the chaos your leader incites? Second, how open are they to adjusting their approach?
In three of the four above scenarios, you can broach the topic with your leader.
Open-Inadvertent: If your leader lacks skills and is open to feedback, that’s the easiest to approach. Have an honest conversation. Avoid passive-aggressive language and ask directly for what you want. Don’t be “nice,” but do be kind.
Closed-Inadvertent: If your leader doesn’t realize how their style contributes to chaos and has a fragile ego, offer suggestions neutrally. Specifically:
- Frame suggestions in terms of helping the teach achieve desired goals.
- Avoid criticizing motives or character traits.
- If possible, physically approach the conversation on the same side as the leader, by sitting or standing next to them instead of opposite.
- Use third person, instead of “you” or “I.”
- Focus on how increased clarity, transparency, and/or empathy will help the leader get what they want.
Open-Intentional: If your leader believes that chaos works, but is open to an alternate point of view, use data. Cite specific examples of how their style has derailed the team, led to confusion, wasted time and resources, or caused discouragement. Provide an alternative, and if possible, back up your suggestions with examples or stats.
When your leader intentionally creates chaos and is unwilling to entertain your point of view—Closed-Intentional—there’s not much you can do. Depending on the severity of the chaos, you will either need to get out or hunker down.
You deserve to work in an environment that doesn’t suck you dry every day. If there is no end in sight to the chaos and you are nearing burnout, get out.
However, there are times when “getting out” isn’t a good option. For example, if you’re close to retirement, if you work in a narrow niche (like in the local government of a small town), if your current situation will be short-lived, or if you’re dealing with a chaotic “leader” in other areas of your life—your family dynamics, your government, your kid’s school system, etc.—“getting out” is way more complex than finding a different job.
In those situations, when you need to hunker down, manage yourself in order to maintain your sanity. When you’re stuck:
1) Establish boundaries.
Leave the chaos behind. Leave it at work, at school, or in your email inbox. Every day, you need to carve out time that is devoid of work chaos, politics, or family drama. That means shutting out the inputs, but also making a commitment to turn your brain—your attention—to something else instead, like something fun or nourishing or restorative.
Often, having a routine helps.
- First, acknowledge the chaos that is consuming your thoughts.
- Second, if necessary, decide when you will return to it—you’re taking a break, not ignoring reality.
- Third, do a “transition” activity that tells your brain that “chaos time” is over.
For example, at the end of a work day, you might acknowledge the problem your boss just dumped into your lap, schedule time the next morning to address it, then log out of your work system and take a deep breath before leaving. Your transition activity can be as short and sweet (like a single mindful breath) or as complex as you want. But make sure your brain knows it is getting a break. Then TAKE the break by turning to something else.
2) Provide your own stability.
Knowing and trusting yourself affords you stability. There are two ways you can build a firm foundation that will withstand the turbulent times your boss creates.
First, assess and meet your own needs on a small level. Figure out how you work best and try to bring more of that to your work day. We’re looking for small wins here. Incorporate and acknowledge them.
Second, build yourself up. Remind yourself regularly of who you are and what you stand for. Ground yourself in an unshakeable identity. Encourage yourself through positive self-talk—don’t let your own brain work against you! Cultivate the elements of trust within yourself so that you can create certainty when your leadership can’t or won’t.
3) Lead by example.
Even when you aren’t in a leadership position, you can always lead yourself. And as a strong example, you may influence the situation or people around you. Maybe even your chaotic boss!
Here are some ways to lead by example, in the midst of a difficult work environment:
- Think and plan ahead.
- Communicate regularly and clearly.
- Deal with difficult people and situations directly.
- Be honest (but not brutal).
- Stay calm and clear-headed.
- Take responsibility for your actions and decisions.
- Celebrate wins.
Don’t contribute to the chaos! Be the eye in the midst of the storm. It will make your day more manageable for yourself, and also for those around you.
When you work (or live) in a stormy environment, you have a few options.
- You can (try to) change the behavior that is creating the problem, by talking to your boss in the way they are most likely to hear.
- You can change the environment, by leaving it.
- You can change yourself.
In every case, it will require intention and courage. But regardless of which you choose, by taking action you will reduce the impact of the chaos and contribute to personal peace and power.